is wine microwaveable?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
