Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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