Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
