So drunk its hurt
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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