On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
