Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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