Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
