I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
