Will you blow on my dice?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
