Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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