What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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