so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
