Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
