Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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