Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
