i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
