last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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