wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
