Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
