I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
