matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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