Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
