im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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