I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
