you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
