the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
