sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love you.
Bad choice
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