I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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