it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
