i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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