just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
