I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
