bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize