forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
