yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
