I will die if light touches me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize