he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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