She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Randomize
