I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
