I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
