The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize