I think my fart just growled at me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
