Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
