someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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