Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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