Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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