Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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