you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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