i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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