someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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