He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize