so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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