I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
