Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
40s are totally the cure
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
