u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i've created a new STD.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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