There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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