We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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