I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
