He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
