the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
