This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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