I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize