you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
