i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
