I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
