how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
