nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
even my farts smell like vagina
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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