She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
