In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
