I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
