Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
