theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
