She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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