I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize