ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
