Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
