i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
