Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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