C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
