did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
