All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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