she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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