Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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