Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
