I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
