Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
