Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize