Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
