Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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