Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
