Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
