new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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