Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
