I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
