I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
