Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
