the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
