Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
