I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize