i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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