Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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