I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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