the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
