Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I believe in your delicious
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
