I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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