You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
