lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
