tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
