I faked an abortion last night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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