evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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