Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
